Really now i'm so emotional... too much feeling...
hm... Let me start by telling you about my today hah?...
So i woke up today earlier than normal cuz i know today is they day you come back ^^ In fact i had an early filming this morning for the banquet's entertainment. And i wore business suit this morning, i was completely different hah:D The whole time i kept waiting for you you know? but ... i dont know why ... i guess i cant feel normal when ya back ... cus i guess it's time for me to tell you what i decided...
Honey ah ... you know how much i love you right? Guess you can feel it somehow mah ... And how much do i expect you come back and tell me that you miss me too... but no... i know i am not allowed to expect something like that for now since to you we are only friends... i dont know how can you do it but really, i cant ... i just ... love you too much i guess ... i cant hold it ... and i cant hold it like this as well ... since he's the only thing in your mind ... all of your decision is abt "he doesnt want me to leave","he wants me to stay" ... And you know how much i hurt myself everytime that i think of you and him? Ya know i miss you so much in that seven days ... but also, i cant get rid of the thought that in those 7 days you text to him a lot ... there will be a lot of love ... as before when ya travel with me... you announced him wherever you go... it's like that is a part of you ... and yes ... i am jealous, i am always selfish... but i love you so that i am like that... i do feel happy for you if you are really happy ... seriously! but somewhere in my heart, it hurts a lot! I know you tried to hide me a lot ... but it even hurt me more cuz i know.... "Just be honest to me" mah ...
And it even worst since you said you love me ... but you did nothing for it, instead, all you do is to let it be ... it's not what you told you will do ... but it's ok... if we really mean to be, then we will right? And you will tell me that three words which you whispered into my ears in the airport again right? And we will overcome everything to reach our dreams together if you still remember it somehow...
But i am sorry... for now i cant hold it... I will still help you ... but for now i guess there's nothing else i could help hah? You had your offers, you had everything's right there for you ... if you need anything, let he be the one who help you... Yup, im pushing you to him :) I am doing it now...
Just an advice, do what you want, if you find him will be your final destination then do things for him! As your heart is followed, you wont have to worry that you might regret in the future. An advice that i always tell you hah? BE BRAVE HONEY HAH!
"Kiss me, good bye, gone to soon I did give you my heart can't deny
Hold on, let go, never sure
Only can make believe all this time
Coffee, cigarettes, not my style
Petty faces around but not rhymed
Don't cry, can't cry, I won't cry
Be with you I just close my eyes
So far alway I can hardly make you mine
So long the day you are always on my mind
But in my dreams never try to hold you tight
Don't wanna awake find you aren't here by my side
So far alway I can hardly make you mine
So long the day you are always on my mind
But in my dreams never try to hold you tight
Don't wanna awake find you aren't here by my side
When I wake up hope you were here by my side…"
Listen to the song again hah^^
I love you...
I love you...
(This entry would be my temporary goodbye hah ... i will wait for you )
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